I mean, who even needs a first blog post??
02/06/2026
TW: suicide and suicidal ideation
>>BACK<<Finally, after all these years, I have a website I actually like looking at.
Believe it or not, I've tried many times to have a personal blog website. Since I was like thirteen years old, I've made multiple abandoned blogs on Blogger, experimented with Wix and Wordpress before getting annoyed with all the paywalls and quitting, and as of now, I have a SpaceHey profile. But the things I made on these platforms were rarely ever something that I was proud of. Aesthetically and content-wise.
Fast forward to the year 2026, I'm eighteen and a college student now. My major is BA Multimedia Studies even though I never actually intially planned to do anything related to that. Yay...! *pained smile*
So I needed to learn some skills. Fast.
I took up photography (still kinda mid at it), tried drawing again, tried learning video editing, anything that would be of use for when I graduate and need a job. Then suddenly, I came across a video talking about indie social media platforms. The topic of creating my own blog/website would, from time to time, cross my mind but I never really considered it much before watching the video.
I don't know what exactly convinced me, but I decided to give neocities a shot.
I actually used to learn coding on Khan Academy when I was a kid as it was a fun way to pass the time during the days of the COVID-19 lockdown. But once that ended, I forgot literally everything. And while I was attempting to re-learn coding using w3 schools and other resources, I found it incredibly boring for some reason and just couldn't learn anything. So I instead signed up for Khan Academy again and retook the class on HTML and CSS.
I've worked on this website since January 22. But I think the main reason why I was only able to make such slow progress in 2 weeks is because...
My grandfather died.
Yeah, my grandpa died on January 23rd, just last month, exactly a day after I started working on this website and it was just hard to do much about anything. I spent these last few months with my grandma and my family, tried to collect old pictures of my grandpa to try and hold onto him. But I just felt nothing but absolutely devastated, to this day, I still am.
I'll be fine, I know I'll see him again someday. And maybe my grandpa is the one giving me the strength to go on. He did love computers, after all.
The title of the site and the inspiration for my pseudonym "memento mori" or "remember, you will die." Isn't just a random quote I put to make it look more edgy, it's my life motto and my mindset in my art, and it always have been. It has more than one meaning, a lot actually. I decided on it being my life quote when I was 16 and kind of suicidal, I didn't really fear death, but I feared the idea of being forgotten after my death. So, it became my mindset for my art. "I will die, so therefore, I must leave a legacy for myself through art and stories, so I have to make them unforgettable. I have to be unforgettable."
But the death of my grandfather taught me another meaning for "memento mori." We leave a legacy not just by desperately clawing at fame and glory for ourselves through pretentiousness and elitism, we leave a legacy by sharing our stories to the people closest to us. It doesn't have to be perfect or deep, it just has to inspire. And that was what my grandfather did, and what I will continue to do.