The Dead Poets

Bats

It’s the way you helped pull me up from the void of rock bottom that truly saved me
Not the guidance office
Not the hypocritical preachers that spew poisonous hatred
It’s you
A bat flapped its wings in the dead of night
And in the morning, a light breeze
Pushed me away from the ledge
That was all I needed

Bats pt.2

And the night was now empty
Not a single bat left to flap their wings
I look up at starless evenings
Sunless days
And wait for some other gust of wind
You're still the one thing that saved me

But what now?

Drifting

You once said I am the sun, you are the moon
You can never be more wrong
I am the moon, you are my world
And slowly I am drifting
Slowly you drift towards the sun
Slowly we are drifting away
This is simply the way it has to go
The natural order of our universe
You will drift off, I will be left alone
But without you, where do I go?

Wordless

When you left, you took a whole library of words with you
And I was left unfamiliar with them
Unable to arrange them the same way
My sorrow weighs down on paper
Stains it like a puddle
And leaves it crumbling into a dark void
That is all I am left with

I had no words
Because I had used all the best ones to write you an elegy

Unedited Thoughts of You

'I bet you probably already watched that new Superman movie and I just know you love it. I haven't watched it but you always talked about how much you hated when people got Superman all wrong in the movies and adaptations. I imagine you leaving the theatre wearing that gray flannel jacket, you're telling your new friends all about it through text and cleaning your fingers of the cheese fry powder with wet wipes instead of licking it off like I do. You don't think of telling me anymore, probably forget I even existed. It's alright. We're both better off this way and I should really be doing other things than feeling this sore lump in my throat at the thought of you...'

And just so you know, you're the reason I cared for it in the first place.'

I almost sent this to someone else, can you believe it? (unedited thoughts of you pt. 2)

'I remember my friend laughing at something I said and it was one of those rare moments where my chaos would rub off on her usual composure. Her laughter was louder than mine, lively as spring after the winter, too warm to come from someone so cold. And by the time we make it home from school, both our cheeks ached from grinning. It'd be vain and selfish of me to say I was the first to make her laugh like that, and even more so to think that I'll be the last, but damn I wish it were true. I don't want to settle for just 'a person who made her laugh,' but it's time I stopped wanting more. I'll accept it.

But I don't think my cheeks would ever ache the same way ever again.'

Loop

If I’ll be honest
Every goodbye only brings me back to the start
I beg and beg for The End
And I get it momentarily just to circle back
To you

If I’ll be honest I’m obsessed
In the numbness of my heart, this pain starts to feel like pleasure
I use the blood and tears like ink and paint
This is the curse, even the best poets have it
To dwell in the cold and dark just to find a new way to cry
You would know, you should know
It's what we both are
But I don’t even know you anymore

I’ll be honest
I don’t wanna forget you, even if you beg me to
And I won’t, just to spite you
It’s sad and it’s stupid but you’re not even around to see it
So what now?
I’m sorry
Every poem is about you
And most likely, it'll never change
Goodbye, I mean this.

But if I’ll be honest...

Drawing Blood For All Eternity

Have we done nothing but bleed
On both our scars
And call it a pact?
Fingers in our wounds,
Parting the skin
Ripping the flesh
Getting on your nerves and pulling mine back
This is the bond we shared
We are all but meat, at the end of the day
And meat swells and rots
But this will never be buried
Maybe we would have drawn blood for the rest of our lives
Open new cuts on each other with our pens
That, I find happier than the silence between us
After the meals and the secrets we will keep locked and forgotten
I want to share one last thing

Dead Poets

At some point in my life,
I was the sun and you were the moon
There was little depth to this simple metaphor you crafted, these forms we shifted into for a moment
Such things happen to poets and muses,
They change into something more

At some point in your life,
You were the bat, a flap of a wing in the dead of night
My survival was the tornado in the morning
And I wrote the fable,
A book banned and burned
And I suffered the flame for you

At some point in my life,
I was a friend.
No metaphors this time. You said it straight.
You held my hand as the two years illusion shattered around me
What I thought was supposed to last a lifetime was but a fading flower.
Beautiful and
Wilted now.

At some point in your life,
You were my open wound
I hid this bleeding out in lines and stanzas
But didn't stitch it up
I could keep this pain at least
Even if it kills me

At some point in my life,
I am still nothing.
Radio silence.
I have no idea,
I never had any idea.
I am forgetting now the shape of your glasses
And it pierces me again

At some point in your life,
You were nothing as well
I forgot to think of you
And I wept
This was truly buried now,
Rotten six months under,
But I am still grieving
I am still
Grieving us
It's so beautiful

And at some point of this death,
I look back at it all, all the legends we wrote,
When we sucked the marrow and dreamed,
They were all but glorious myth
I wasn't the sun, you weren't the moon
We didn't dance around the Earth together,
You were drifting away
You weren't a bat, I was never saved
We were all but flesh and blood
Just two dead poets
This absurd ephermal youth
And once again, one last time
You held my hand,
And like you said I would,
This sun has weathered through it all
And I have grown wings at last
You are not around to see it
My muse, my love, my friend
O, captain, my captain...

The end.

Back